Painting with marbles, sand paper, sponges, and hands...

Ayden woke up from his mid day nap to a nice surprise...an array of paints and tactile objects...

As we stepped into the kitchen Ayden's eyes lit up and a huge

 smile appeared. It was magical.  Here Ayden could express himself and engage in a productive activity where his 2 year old angsts and confusions could be supported and nourished. This activity provided Ayden with an outlet for his frustration and excitements.  I observed Ayden as he carefully approached the materials with boundless curiosity and wonderment. Checking out each object with every sense...rubbing, feeling, touching, smelling, and even tasting these materials. After the explorations were complete, Ayden moved on to use each material in his own way. Finding different ways to apply the materials together or separate. 

The creativity was perpetual...paint on the

sand paper with the sponge, sponge with no paint on the sand paper, marbles with paint on the sand paper, marbles dipped in the paint, hands in the paint on the body, hands with paint on the sand paper, paint

 in the hair... The options were endless, and could have lasted for hours. I sat there behind my camera capturing every moment I possibly could, so not to miss a millisecond of this beauty. I am filled with tears of happiness, thrilled at the idea that I was able to offer my son something that is so close to my heart.  As an Art Therapist and a mom, I revel in the beauty of my sons explorations and creativity. Pure delight!

We all need a cocoon to become a butterfly

AHHHHHH!!! After days of brutal attempts to get Ayden to sleep for both naps and bedtime I found a solution....a cozy crib tent. This sounds so simple and once I used it, it was. But it was a lot more then this. The entire experience was a lesson of growth for both Ayden and myself. Ayden is only being a 2 year old boy, but with that comes a new birth. A separation that needs to take place. I know all this from a professional standpoint, but let me tell you, going through it in a personal experience is MUCH different. Ayden is learning that he is no longer part of me, and that he can go out into the world and be his own person. Although, with this comes a lot of questions and feelings that have not surfaced until now...fear, loss, excitement, anger, etc... Ayden needs to push and pull to gain control over himself and his environment. Yet, with this push and pull comes a lot of confusion and frustration for myself. I then begin to experience the same feelings that are being aroused in Ayden . I was lost, out of control, and angry!! Until I could own these feelings and then find the support and holding I needed from the world was I able to gain the control over myself. I had to realize that I can do this. I am a strong independent woman with the tools and growth to believe that everything is going to be ok, and that I can get through this, and not everything needed to fall apart. So... I found myself at the park one afternoon searching for someone to hold me. And there she was, a friend. I found her and I reached out to her. And she was there to help guide me and I allowed her. She suggested another approach to Ayden's jumping out of his crib, bed, and gate. A crib tent. It was a simple solution but it also had to come with the idea behind it that I could trust myself. Ayden and I needed structure, boundaries, and containment to know it is ok to go outinto the world and be our own person. We all need a cocoon to become a butterfly.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

This was actually taken a couple of months ago before the terrible 2 birthday beginnings. Oh yes, they have begun. I thought they had begun 5 months ago, but now I realize that was really light rain drops leading up to the big storm. My energy has now been depleted from 50% to 10% and I may be generous here. I can not imagine how others do it with another child. BIG kudos to you all patient and brave mamas out there. You know who I am talking about.

I do not drink often but I am sitting here with a BIG glass of wine to help calm my body down from the rigorous day we had. And...as I sit here this very picture I posted was played out AGAIN. Ayden sticks his head into Lyla's face while Lyla growls, shows her very pretty teeth, and attempts to make it seem as if she is going to bite Ayden's head off. Ayden finding this all so funny!

Back to my day...waking up to lovely sounds of Ayden screaming, "M-A-M-A-D-A-D-A", and Lyla squealing to be fed; get us dressed to drive Rob to work, as Ayden says..."Dada is a psycho"; get home to let the cleaning ladies in to the house, thank goodness for them! Back out to the Y for a quick run; then off to Target (OYE!); back home to give lunch to Ayden, and down for a nap (nap lasted only 20 minutes after I stupidly spoke too loud); then attempt blowing up a new baby pool bought at target, which does not work; off to the big pool, where we sneak in; a little treat for me at Ritas for water ice (YUM); home to meet other neighbors playing outside; I make dinner for Ayden, and try to eat on our little balcony (poor attempt); then back inside, and Ayden poops on the floor; bathe Ayden, Ayden pees in the floor; finally get Ayden to bed with one of our favorite books, Art. And now it is my time. My only time to think, breathe, and reconnect with myself. Shower, write, eat, watch 'So you think you can dance', and sleep. AHHHHHHH.

I look at this picture and see Ayden's big blue eyes staring up at me while uttering, "mama, mommy, m-o-o-o-m." My heart melts and at the end of the day, even though my son has turned into Denice the Menace, I can truly say it is all worth it. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Looooooooong day

Today seems like one of those REALLY long days where you just can't wait to be in bed and know that tomorrow will be here. I hate to think like that.... living in the future. I strive to be in the moment, but it is so damn hard sometimes. Especially with a 2 year old who has more energy then the energy bunny. I love that Ayden is so curious and full of such life, but it is draining sometimes and today is one of those days. I know I should be trying to rest or relax while he is napping but I feel I need to get stuff done and then I sit down at the computer and here I am. I don't know which is more of an asset for me right now, but I chose this and so I am trusting this is what will help me feel more grounded. And when Ayden awakes we will start over again. Hopefully I will have more vitality and we will go on our way finding things to do or errands to run to entertain both of our souls, bodies, and minds.